“Rishta” Culture (Pakistan Perspective)
The time has definitely changed. People are well-informed. Technology, liberalism, equality, and feminism are ruling over everyone’s mindset but still, we are enslaved of our old social norms. No doubt, we are living in a patriarchal society where the girls are exhibited in front of those families who are in search of “perfect bahu” for their sons.
It has become a social norm to visit the girl’s house to see if she is worthy of marrying their sons. The culture has never changed for decades and now it’s time to end this ‘Rishta culture’. This issue really needs to be addressed. The questions that need to be answered are that why do always girls have to appear in front of the boy’s family? Why do the girl’s parents have to bear all the expenses to feed the other family a whole feast?
The girl’s parents spend a lot to impress the groom’s family. They will ask their daughter to dress nicely and sit properly in front of them like a showpiece. Parents will do their best just for the sake of her daughter’s “Qismat”.
Do you know what the worst part is? It’s the part where the boy’s family will examine your daughter from head to toe. They would want her complexion to be fair, her height and weight to be ideal (as if we are in control of these things). Moreover, she should also know how to cook but on the other hand, she should also have a professional degree and by then her age should not be more than 25 and even when she has a professional degree, it depends on their permission, whether if they let her pursue her career after marriage or not.
You would think that this is enough for them to finally have a perfect girl. No its not!
Once they are done scrutinizing your daughter’s physical attributes, housekeeping skills, and educational background, they will move on to other disturbing things. They will notice your house, whether it’s rented or do you own it, your crockery, your furniture, how much property do you own, how much do the father and other family members earn, and in case if your father has passed away then how much pension you get from your father’s office, how many cars do you have and their models, your house consists of how much yards. The reason behind all these questions is to make an estimate about dowry!
Is it not enough to find a decent educated girl which belongs to a ‘Shareef’ and respected family? Why is this not enough for you people? Wait for it, they have a statement, “we liked your daughter a lot but…………” And you can never fill this blank because you never know! Furthermore, If the girl is too pretty they can reject her too by saying how will we manage her “Nakhray”. According to our society, they are “Larky walay” they have every right to reject you by for little issue. The people do not even realize the mental trauma those girls are going through because of them.
Every person likes to be called a liberal but when it comes to “Rishta” all their liberalism and equality just vanishes. They want the best for themselves. Do you even look at yourself before pointing out flaws in someone else; do you even think you are worthy of that much perfection?
Basically, the culture of finding a perfect life partner with all the privileges has become very common in both genders. There are girls too who look for everything perfect, a six-figure job, a good-looking well-settled guy with perfect family background. It is not bad to demand a perfect life partner but judging someone’s ability to be competent on the basis of the physical parameter is not acceptable. Sadly, this culture has taken up the minds of both girls and boys.
When will we change this culture?
I am not saying that boys should appear in front of the girl’s family. I don’t support that kind of feminism but there can be a midway to solve this and there is a way, society just has to accept and follow that trend. Both families can arrange their meetup in any restaurant and also can split the bill. It would be much easier or simple because tying knots has nothing to do with materialistic things.
It shocks me how people can judge someone’s qualities in just one meeting. Their qualities cannot be defined by their physical appearance, for sure! Their weight, height complexion has nothing to do with how much they can spread love in one’s house.
I still can’t understand why this is so difficult to get married or maybe it’s not. Maybe it has become difficult to find your spouse because society is in search of perfection. When will you stop finding perfection? Stop it.
Try to step into others people’s shoe, “Kyun kay aap bhi beti waly ho sakty hain
The writer (Miss. Urza Umar Chahal) is a freelancer blog, content, and copywriter and an accredited motivational speaker and trainer.